Brutally Honest Personals

I have promised myself I would not edit or water down my posts, even though half of family is now reading this thing from half way around the world/

Gulp.

After my hotornot experiment, my friend Daniella sent me this link, maybe the best I have read around this nonsense.

http://www.esquire.com/brutal/profile.html?single=12

My favorite is Rebecca.

Age: 31 Height: 5'2"
Weight: 110
Location: Southern California
Prescription-drug addiction: Prozac

When I feel bad, it helps me to call you at work. Frequently. Rushing me off the phone will just make me cry and pester you with e-mails. I have a little dog that I tend to bring everywhere, because if I leave him at home, he yips. If you plan on sleeping with me, you will not complain when I bring him on dates in a little black bag. I'm a little curious about spanking, but we can never try it at my house, because my ex-boyfriend lives on the other side of the wall and will hear us.

SEXUAL QUIRK:I will blow you, but not consistently.

I'm not even sure what that last part means, but it's damn funny.

I found this so amusing that I wrote my own ad.

AGE: 40
Location: Boston
Height: 5'9" (I mean 5'8 3/4")
Weight: 155
Occupation: Counselor/Human services & under employed/lazy Comedian, hence the human services job.

Seeking: Cool chick with a brain and some cutes about her willing to date me for my potential without expectation.

I'm a recovered alkie (9 years) and degenerate gambler, and have redefined poker as "a game of skill and therefore, technically not gambling". I am a horrible dancer, unless you want to mosh, then I would probably accidentally kidney-punch you out of instinct.

I have only enough money to enjoy my life and can't support kids. I frustrate people around me by wasting talent and obsessing over how I will find a way to fail if I take real chances. I pretend not to care about people's opinions, but I pumped 5 fake "10" votes onto my photo at "Hotornot". I am hung like a brahma bull, but have sex so infrequently that I would have to rub benzocaine onto my unit to not explode at the mere thought of even a mediocre encounter.

On a good note: I am the guy everyone wants their sister to marry (except the sister.) I spend much of my time helping others and am hilarious to be around. I have a great heart and I can hold my (small) gut in for up to an hour at the pool or beach. I also loathed Tom Cruise 10 years before doing so was popular.

There has got to be a bad reality show in this somewhere.