Thursday, March 02, 2006

Brutally Honest Personals

I have promised myself I would not edit or water down my posts, even though half of family is now reading this thing from half way around the world/

Gulp.

After my hotornot experiment, my friend Daniella sent me this link, maybe the best I have read around this nonsense.

http://www.esquire.com/brutal/profile.html?single=12

My favorite is Rebecca.

Age: 31 Height: 5'2"
Weight: 110
Location: Southern California
Prescription-drug addiction: Prozac

When I feel bad, it helps me to call you at work. Frequently. Rushing me off the phone will just make me cry and pester you with e-mails. I have a little dog that I tend to bring everywhere, because if I leave him at home, he yips. If you plan on sleeping with me, you will not complain when I bring him on dates in a little black bag. I'm a little curious about spanking, but we can never try it at my house, because my ex-boyfriend lives on the other side of the wall and will hear us.

SEXUAL QUIRK:I will blow you, but not consistently.


I'm not even sure what that last part means, but it's damn funny.

I found this so amusing that I wrote my own ad.

AGE: 40
Location: Boston
Height: 5'9" (I mean 5'8 3/4")
Weight: 155
Occupation: Counselor/Human services & under employed/lazy Comedian, hence the human services job.


Seeking: Cool chick with a brain and some cutes about her willing to date me for my potential without expectation.

I'm a recovered alkie (9 years) and degenerate gambler, and have redefined poker as "a game of skill and therefore, technically not gambling". I am a horrible dancer, unless you want to mosh, then I would probably accidentally kidney-punch you out of instinct.


I have only enough money to enjoy my life and can't support kids. I frustrate people around me by wasting talent and obsessing over how I will find a way to fail if I take real chances. I pretend not to care about people's opinions, but I pumped 5 fake "10" votes onto my photo at "Hotornot". I am hung like a brahma bull, but have sex so infrequently that I would have to rub benzocaine onto my unit to not explode at the mere thought of even a mediocre encounter.

On a good note: I am the guy everyone wants their sister to marry (except the sister.) I spend much of my time helping others and am hilarious to be around. I have a great heart and I can hold my (small) gut in for up to an hour at the pool or beach. I also loathed Tom Cruise 10 years before doing so was popular.


There has got to be a bad reality show in this somewhere.

3 Comments:

Blogger Dot Dwyer said...

I guess this is evidence to you men that supports the old adage "Size Doesn't Matter" ! Should I get the rest of the girls to start calling you "Tri-Pod " ?

7:11 AM  
Blogger GB said...

Dude,

Who are you frustrating with wasted talent? I didn't know you had talent. Sorry man. I'll remember next time to act frustrated around you.

2:54 PM  
Blogger Korte said...

Greg... how's that novel coming? Too bad you put all your creative energy into insulting me on my blog you tool.

For the record, you DO always act frustrated, just not so much with me.

8:59 PM  

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