Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Hot or Not?

Okay, so I got sucked in to posting my photo on hotornot.com.

Don't even think about it, you're too late, I just pulled it.

About a week ago, I was horrified by this website called catch27.com which basically made a game of the whole online popularity gimmick, the "I have a million friends on MYSPACE, and only about 1/4 of them are serial killers" had been turned into an actual game where you "win" by associating yourself with more popular people based on their looks and achievements... creepy. Feels like high school all over again. I mentioned the prospect of joining and creating a "pack" (group of 27 "playas") that absolutely no one would want to be associated with, well no one that would play catch27 anyway. The thing is, you can "buy" friendship by buying the playa's card, so they would have to associate with me and my assortment of criminals, alkies and otherwise unsavory degenerates.

I immediately took on the lofty goal of diminishing the value of anyone named Tiffany.

Then, I was invited to do the "Gods and Godesses" radio show at Tufts this week by host Daniel Bromberg and I mentioned catch27 as a possible topic. Bromberg put the kibosh on the idea, touting his college cronies' site, "hotornot.com". While it is mildly less offensive, it still was a study in what I wish our culture were not about.

I did it, okay, I did it. I put my re-touched head shot on the site, and (even more shamefully) waited with baited breath to see what complete random strangers thought of my buffed up, polished photo. Even though it makes me look gay, I hafta tell ya- I don't look nearly as good as my retouched head shot, which I have dubbed "the gay hypnotist".

I was initially pleasantly shocked to see the gay hypnotist cruising at a 9.2 or 9.3. Shocked, actually. I mean, I think I'm sorta cute, but a nine??? Never would have dreamt it. Then disaster struck- a flurry of threes. Okay, am I a 10, no, a 9...probably not, but a fucking THREE? Gime a ^&%$) break people.

Don;t these bastards know that my self esteem is tied closely to housewives from El Paso and bi-sexual college guys from Pasadena with Freud Fantasies thinking I'm at LEAST an 8??? Granted, I would have settled for a seven initially, but that was before I saw the potential for a 9 in the wings.

I didn't want to do it, never planned to do it, still don't believe I did it... but what was I supposed to do, just let some jealous beefhead logging on at Gold's Gym kill my rating? Not when there was still a hairdresser in Deluth yet to see my glorious 9+ rating.

That 9.3 was like a first hit of heroin (I'm guessing, but I have it on god authority that this is a fairly accurate assessment.)

So I, well I... logged on and gave myself a 10.

It was just going to be one extra 10, I swear it was, just to, ya know- tide me over. But one's never enough. A day later, the same phenomenon hit, a flurry of threes, and I had to step in, I didn't want to do it- I OWED to myself to "keep it fair", so I jumped on and shot myself another ten. That was going to be it, I was done told myself confidently, "I don't even care anyway," saying it aloud to no one in particular.

But the next day, the unthinkable happened. The vote count on my picture was up over 150, and some shithead had given me a couple of TWOS, twos for the love of Pete! Could I let this aggression stand? Not on my watch, baby, not on my watch.

I'm a lot better now. I have deleted my account and picture and am currently weening myself off hotornot with Vicadin.

Check out Bromberg's radio show today, featuring ME 5-7pm on WMFO. We we will be covering turning 40, sealing the windows and turning up the gas stove, not neccesarily in that order.

The show is broadcast on the internet at: WMFO, you can find it if you're real smart. I needed help.


Blogger GB said...

AHHHHH!!! Damn! I missed that?!?!?! Fuck man. you gotta let your friends know about this. I would have been all over that. Damn!!!

2:51 PM  

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