Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Harry Potter and his Gonads of Fire

If you haven't seen this flick yet, all I can say is, "wow" and "wow" again. I'm not going to lay out all the plot details, so don't be worried about that if you wish to see the film in the future.

If the inuendo was expounded on just a tad, this thing would have been rated NC-17.

They've got every imaginable fetish covered here, opening with Harry drooling over an Asian chick, moving on to virginal maidens in nun-like garb, to the girl-next-door, blondes, the worldly older woman, TWINS for Pete's sake (they do a nice job killing two birds with one stone by making the twins Indian), mermaids (albeit a tad scary) right down to the naughty librarian (Myrtle the ghost,) who actually tries repeatedly to get a look at Harry's joint while he's in the tub, finally throwing in the towel and diving underneath the bubbles for a little game of peek-a-boo with Harry's package.

I kept womdering if Ron Jeremy had served as one of the film's consultants.

At one point, I was so offended that I almost put my pants back on and walked out of the theater.

Geez, I almost forgot the humorous scene in which Hagrid waltzes with a giant woman and tries to cup her ass like he's at a junior high dance. She gently guides his hand back to her waist, a mischievous look in her eye- funny stuff.

To balance the flagrant sexual overtones, they threw a nice bone to the right, using a terrific thinly veiled sequence justifying torture in a McCarthy-like courtroom scene.

"Give us MORE names, we already know about them. give us more, or you're going back to Azkaban!"

At this point the guy rats someone out, and they zap him with a wand, the chief wizard later explaining that "the evidence was irrefutable." Sort of like the video documentation of my mid 90s mullet mentioned in an earlier post.

The also throw in a great tribute to the legendary scene in "Shane" in which Lord Voldemort channels Jack Palance, goading a helpless Harry Potter into picking up his wand. I kept waiting for him to kill Harry then turn to his demon-buddies, "you all saw it- he had a wand"

All-in-all, the best of the four installments, even though it was a heartbeat away from soft porn. Then again, maybe that's why it was the best intsallment.


Blogger Dot Dwyer said...

I just came.
May I have a tissue ?

9:43 PM  
Blogger Korte said...


4:20 PM  

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