Edison

Reluctantly, Tina agreed that the "nice" traps were "nice" because they don't work, and allow mice to have a good time. We decided we had to go for the kill traps. After a grocery shopping trip, we popped into Ace Hardware and asked for some advice.

We got a terrific guy who seemed quite knowledgeable on the topic of extermination. Our new pal, a mid-fifties character with delightful stories of a fishing club, infested with mice. He and his pals laid a bunch of these little clip traps (which packed quite a snappy little punch to his pencil) around the fishing shack, and said they caught twenty-eight mice one night, actually turning it into a drinking game.

Feeling confident, in spite of being aided by an apparent serial killer, we headed home with our new sure-to-work traps. "Plum jam," our blood-thirsty friend recommended.

We opted for blueberry jam, putting one trap behind the refrigerator and the other in an empty drawer the little punk(s) like to visit. I put the trap in the drawer on a slight bulge in the contact paper in the drawer. Upon awakening this morning, I was quite annoyed when I opened the drawer to find the mouse had flipped the trap onto its side and looted the thing, cleaning out all the blueberry jam, and taking a dump next to the trap for good measure.

Today, I went old school. I took a small slice of cheddar cheese and wedged it onto the lever. This time, I put the trap on flat ground- no bumps underneath to diminish the snap reflex. On top of that- the little vermin might b able to lick jam away, but if he wants the cheese, he's going to have to nibble on it at the very least.

Tina called me into the kitchen a short while ago. The mouse ate the entire block of cheese, somehow without tripping the trap. To make it all the more insulting, there were about ten tiny little pops around the trap- he must have been there chomping away for half an hour, minimum.

This afternoon, I threw another trap in there, reloaded. He/they cleaned them both out again, and actually took a dump on TOP of one of the traps. It isn't enough that we feed this little twerp every day, but he hangs around and mocks us openly.

I may loathe the little bastard, but I have to respect him. Let's face it, this mouse is a genius. I think I'm going to call him Edison, then I'm going to put his lights out...for good.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!