The Santa Clause 3

Okay, don't ask me how I came to see this flick in the first place... I was taking the autistic lad I care for to a flick and it happened to be what was playing when we got there. I expected it to be kinda lame. What I didn't expect was blasphemy.

Santa Clause knocks up a chick? In the worst blaspheming since "The Last Temptation of Christ" (which may have been blasphemy, but was also a helluva film), Tim Allen plays the ancient (looks every bit of 70) fat dude, this time replete with hottie-wife, who has a bun in the oven. Aging and adding girth by the second, old St. Nick's wife looks all of 30, and the feel of the flick is...well to say "creepy" would be the understatement of the year.

I kept waiting for Raphael Palmeiro to make a cameo and toss Santa a viagra.

Maybe the arc of the story was ruined for me by skipping the first two movies.

And the lazy bastards... why are all the "elves" just little kids with funny ears? What kind of shit is that? Talk about slovenly... they could have actually employed Hollywood's "little people" or used CGI to shrink adults the way did with Bilbo and Frodo Baggins. I kept thinking throughout the debacle... that's a kid...this is a kid, that's a kid...

Please oh please, SOMEONE write a half decent Christmas story.

This thing was unendurable. If that's not actually a word, I predict it will become one after a few more people see this piece of shit.