Sunday, January 21, 2007

Homesville/The Guradian

Even though it is cold as hell, I am happy to be home. I am so glad to be back that I am referring to the 14 degree ice-blast as "invigorating".

I was shocked to see that about my blog got over 1500 views last week- WOW!

I got about 2 hours of sleep in the 36 hours preceding my arrival and hitting my own bed last night wa sheavenly, even though I was only able to really fall asleep around 4 am. Seeing Jack this morning was great, except that he totally blew me off in favor of the pecan roll I brought him.

I was wide awake, and opted to endure "The Guardian" on the flight home. I was able to avoid watching this piece of crap on the flight down, but was wide awake coming back and gave in for about an hour. To call this flick trash would be an afront to trash acorss the globe.

It was a blatant ripoff of Officer and a Gentleman except in that it really sucked. i imagine Louis Gossett Jr. developing severe stomach cramps watching Kevin Costner lame up the role he mastered for an Oscar opposite Richard Gere. Ashton played a vapid cadet, and his attempts to add depth were at best, a pathetic and extremely brief vaneer to him playing himself. Strangely, I found myself less annoyed with Tom Cruise for all those times he played himself, as this was not even watchable in my exhausted/bored-to-tears state of mind.

First off- who in their right mind makes a film about THE COAST GUARD??? Surely you jest.

The one edge this trite waste of time had over Officer and a Gentleman" was that the pointless love interest, a story line which and nil to film or to Kutcher's character depth, was WAY hotter than Debra Winger, although the actress was given little to do, aside from an opportunity to betray herself as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

The film's big moment (as indicated by the driving 80s guitar riffs and ultra-lae montage) came when Ashton Kutcher started to smash all the records set by Costner in days past. But really... do you care if he pushes a brick across the bottom of a pool a few seconds faster than Costner's character did in the late 70s? I sure didn't. They blasted a variation of the Navy Recruitment theme, complete with the aforementioned bad 80s guitar riffs over the yawnfest in an effort to dramatize the super-lame montage, but it made me yearn for trailer to Jag, a show I can turn off with the click of a remote.

The joy came when reason cracked my exhaustion-based droned viewing when I realized- "Wait- I can turn this off too!" and I did.

1 Comments:

Blogger Debbie said...

I love how you had the mental energy after this big trip to write a movie review! Very enjoyable reading! If I ever do this magazine of mine I talk about, I'm definitely going to see if you want to contribute. :-)

- DebCat

8:06 PM  

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