Saturday, September 17, 2005

Tim McCarver = Pantload

I am against capital punishment, but I could be swayed if Tim McCarver were to find himself on death row for assassinating the art of announcing baseball.

Extreme? Okay, maybe a little, but how much inane commentary can one man come up with in a lifetime? How much can people be expected to listen to before they strike back, possibly even with nukular (as George W. likes to say) weapons?

The man is one of these guys that feels compelled to say something after every *&%$#$#@ play, even if he has nothing whatsoever intelligent or pertinent to say. McCarver isn't about to let that slow him down. Maybe he makes so much money, he feels he owes it to us and his employers to state, and repeat the obvious, tempered with silly theories based on nothing that makes any sense at all, just his musings, that's enough. I muse idiocy, therefore 'tis true.

From last year: "A walk is as bad as a home run."

I have heard this before, and I get the point, but...



Not in any capacity is giving up a walk as bad as a home run. Bottom of the ninth inning with the bases loaded in a tie game, maybe. The ninth inning of a game where you lose by one run would be the exception. I get his point- giving up a walk at certain points in a game is a bad idea, and is worse than others, but ARGH!!! Stop the ludicrous exageration to make your point, jackass.

He is like a child that heard something once and now repeats it with conviction without having the slightest idea what it means, but can't wait to use it, whether or not it is in context. You'd think a guy with 40+ years in baseball would know better, but he doesn't, or he doesn't want to know better. I'm not sure which.

Earlier in the year: "You don't want to let up a lot of runs when your club isn't scoring. It's practically impossible to win when you aren't scoring runs, but you're letting up a lot of runs."

Geez...Do ya think?

Last month, before I could get to the mute button:

"You want to cultivate players like Kevin Yuklis in your minors that can play at the major league level. If not on your team, they can play for another club."

And this is beneficial...Exactly how?

Sox/Phillies: "You don't want to give up a home run to Jim Thome is the 5th inning of a 5-1 game. If you give up a single that's okay, but not a home run."

Okay, Tim, help me out. When exactly IS the opportune time to allow a home run to Jim Thome? Would be...oh, say in a 3-3 tie in the ninth inning? Ooh ooh...How about in a 7-2 game in the 3rd inning? And would it be better to allow a single than a walk, because from what I've heard, a walk is as bad as a home run and if a walk is as bad as a home run, it must be far worse than a single, right?

My favorite quote from last year's world series: "Pedro...He's crafty like a ...(pause) WOLVERINE!"

You see, Tim, well...The thing is... Wolverines are not really crafty. They sort of tear stuff up, that's their gig.

And today, which forced me out into the computer area to write this foolish blog.

"No, he has not underachieved. He's had a bad year. Who people pay you 19 million dollars and you don;t put up the kind of numbers you'd expect, it's a bad year."

Wait a minute, I might be catching on. So one wouldn't say that Tim McCarver has underachieved...One would simply say he's a bad announcer.


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