Friday, September 02, 2005

I'm Boycotting Gas Boycott Emails

Gas-boycott emails, if you have one, please send it... To yourself, and preferably with a virus attached. I got one two days ago, and again yesterday telling me although we couldn't stop using gasoline, we could boycott the top two petroleum companies, Mobile and Exxon, and cause a "price war". Yeah... cuz this has worked so consistently over the last twenty years. These emails do more than simply clog my inbox, they really bring the gas companies to their knees!

One email do-gooder nearly passed out at the suggestion that he ride his bike to work, or carpool as a means of combating rising gas prices.

He might have a point... Why take positive, constructive action by way of self-sacrifice when you can blame an arbitrary evil (gas execs) and remain blameless and responsibility-free... That's life, that's liberty, that's freedom (from accountability)- blame someone else!

We will never ever ever have a successful boycott against petroleum companies in this country, primarily because we are by and large, too lazy, greedy and pampered to give up anything precious to us, especially convenience. I'm not talking about members of our armed forces, which have sacrificed tremendously throughout our history. I'm talking about you and me... And people that send emails.

This will also provide a brilliant opportunity to attack Republicans. Don't get me wrong, I'd rather have the exhumed corpse of Joseph Stalin in the White House than good ole "Is our children learning?" Bush, but this is usually the perfect time for the liberal whackos to come out of the woodwork and lambaste their favorite evil Republican, or better yet- CREATE an evil right wing conspiracy!

"We've GOT to be able to link this to Trent Lott, Bill Frist or some red state loon-ball!" they'll chant behind closed doors.

Meanwhile, the nauseatingly trigger happy and slanderous right-wing will draw a connection to some country those gutless liberals wouldn't let them bomb in 1986, or an abortion Hillary Clinton not only allegedly financed, but performed personally on some sixteen year old while chanting a mantra of "I hate all life, especially that of defenseless, unborn children."

I hope gas prices go over $5 a gallon, then we'll be EVEN with most of the rest of the world, which has been paying this for years. As I drove down a jam-packed expressway (or "the distressway" as my friend Eileen used to call rte. 93) SUV after SUV with one passenger surrounded me. You'd think that gasoline was not only free, but instead of being by far the world's worst polluters, our exhaust actually fertilized magic jelly bean fields across the New England states.

Boy, do I feel better. Boy posting vitriol sure beats taking action.


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