Thursday, September 24, 2009

Tom Dustin is my Hero

Well, Boston comic, former used car salesman and all-around funny sunuvagun Tom Dustin has done it- he has realized one of my dreams.

While on a series of mid-west road gigs, he performed at Des Moines, Iowa last night. After the show, actress Amy Smart approached Tom and apparently told him she loved his set, understandable because is one of the funniest muthaf-----s going.

You have to understand- I dig Amy Smart, and not just because she was the winner of the 2004 MTV Award for "Best Kiss" (shared with Owen Wilson and Carmen Electra for "Starsky and Hutch") I always thought she was just one of those women who had "something", ya know?

She is firmly planted in my all-time hottest babes eva list.

1) Halle Berry
2) Tina Fey
3) Teresa of Avila (There is something hot about spiritually powerful dames.)
4) Amy Smart
5) Sarah Vowell (Smart is sexxy)

It dawned on me that the "something" she has is that precious space between her front teeth. There seems to me to be something genuine about a movie star who says "go take a dump fer yerself" to perfecting every aspect of her appearance so that she can look as much like everyone else as possible.

Maybe what I like is that this character trait of Amy's, and her embracing of herself as she is allows me to delude myself into thinking I would actually have a shot at her if she happened to stumble into a show I performed at and killed. Or at least, I could garner a nice compliment from her... thanks Tom... dream stealer.

So kudos to Any for not only being ultra-hot, but recognizing great comedy and talent when it's standing in front of her cracking wise.

Kudos also to Uma Thurman for never fixing her nose... or getting a foot-reduction (have ya seen those kicks- they've gotta be a size 14)... and to Jennifer Love Hewitt for telling the Enquirer to go screw ("I like my body") when they asked her about her cellulite. Here's an absolutely beautiful woman ridiculed for refusing to starve herself, revolve through lines at the liposuction clinic and pander to tabloid celebrity idiocy.

Call me crazy, but it is these flaws that make people beautiful to me. It makes them seem human, instead of part of some production scam designed to get me to buy something, or believe I need to be somehow something "more" than me to be happy, healthy and whole, that all I need is the next product, fad or wave to fix the part of me that's still fallibly human, then and only then, will I be whatever it is they are trying to tell me is "okay".

So thanks Amy- keep that space, Uma- you go girl, and you can probably punch out anyone who doesn't like your nose anyway. Thanks Jodi Foster for publicly stating you didn't think plastic surgery was for you, I mean that sincerely even though I am vaguely aware that you play for the other team, I respect you, but I was never really all that attracted to you. I know it seems insensitive to tell you this for the first time in such a public forum, where 3, perhaps even 4 people will read it as well.

What was the point of this blog again? Oh yeah, Tom Dustin=hero, Amy Smart is hot. I guess we've covered that.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Good Things Happen to Funny People

I got some terrific news this morning when I opened my "Comedy Studio News" email. Two Boston regulars, now performing across the country, but Boston Comics all the way, recently got signed to their own "Comedy Central Presents" specials.

Myq Kaplan and Shane Mauss are two outrageously talented, funny and skilled comedians. From the first days I met Myq on the Boston Comedy scene, he was a gentleman, a genuine sort of chap. He also was a stage-whore. This guy would perform anywhere there were five minutes available, often cranking out brand new material night after night, throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks. He would work out jokes others might have tossed until they became something. This kid has a lot of something. He is just one of those guys you knew had the rare combination of talent and drive to make something very special happen.

In case you don't know, Boston is full of great comics you will never hear of, guys and ladies who can throw together a set that will bust your gut, night after night. Myq is a guy who does that, and combines it with the work ethic Jerry Seinfeld demonstrated in his fantastic documentary, "Comedian."

I couldn't be prouder of this guy if he was my own son, conceived after a wild night of dropping rofies into some chick's manischevitz at the annual Matza Ball.

Shane Mauss is outrageous. A lights-out entertainer who can follow anyone. He has the kind of confidence you want to see in a comedian. He isn't waiting for the audience response to tell him he's dead-on hilarious, he already knows it. He's there to crack himself up, and if you want to join, that's okay too.

I remember seeing this kid at a dump in Dorchester called the Emerald Isle. When I say dump, I mean it affectionately. Ed Regal and Richie Gustus held this open mic for years. The thing ran for 3 or 4 hours sometimes until every single comic had a chance to perform. Shane was one of those comics. he began working out new material here, and Rich, a veteran of more than 20 years in comedy, had the sense to see this guy was something out of the ordinary, and had a chance to be really special.

Gustus was right.

I am so happy for these guys. I am feeling inspired to get back out there again for the only reason there is for doing stand up- LOVE OF COMEDY.

Thanks guys, best wishes and good luck.

If anyone would like to go to the taping of these shows in NYC, I will be going. There's nothing quite like a comedy road trip. Myq's show is Nov. 4th or 5th, Shanes Nov. 6th.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Butterfly Effect... III???

Who knew? I sat through the entirety of Butterfly Effect I, thinking... that was horrible. I heard a rumor that there was in fact a Butterfly Effect II. I was curious as to why there would exist a sequel to a film no one saw, and of those who did see, about which none seemed to be all that enthused.

Generally, when a movie blows and no one sees it, the rea$on for making a sequel is squashed. Now I can see the impetus behind Basic Instinct II. Basic Instinct was a pretty decent thriller, erotic, and Paul Verhoeven did con Sharon Stone Stone into the now infamous crotch shot with the old "panties-will-reflect-off-the-camera we'll-edit-out-your-hooha" scam. A promise he now famously reneged. So, one might think, maybe in spite of horrid reviews, Basic II is worth seeing. I mean, it wasn't, it was a cashing-in of the worst kind, a total piece of non-creative bile spewed out like a frat boy's late night ill-advised chili dog- and less attractive a production at that. But what I'm saying is, at least I understand the notion behind such a venture. Whereas, Butterfly Effect II leaves me puzzled and ButterflyIII leaves me stunned and wondering if New Line Cinemas was in desperate need of a tax loss to balance some books.

Does anyone recall "Ishtar II"? How about "Showgirls: The Next Skank Wave" or "The Postman II: Special Delivery." Incidentally, I defy you to come up with a movie title involving a colon that is even watchable. Case in point, "Ballistic: Ecks versus Sever."

The colon in a title is almost like a red flag, a warning. The only more obvious warning to a potential movie watcher would be if the usher blocked the door to theater on his hand and knees, pleading with the popcorn-holding attendee, "Don't do it, I beg you. It's's absolute shit. It's John Travolta in platform shoes and bad makeup, it's a talking duck, it's the low point of Eddie Murphy's career."

Okay, that one could be a variety of films, but I was talking about Pluto Nash.

Not to blame the victim, but anyone who saw Butterfly Effect III got what they asked for. That's right, I said, they asked for it and I don't care if it's politically incorrect to say so. You walk in to Mission Impossible 3 or Gigli, you get what you deserve.

So anyway, Butterfly Effect III.. un frickinbelievable, eh?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

John Cryer Takes Emmy

This saddens me so much so that I decided to blog for the first time since January. John Cryer... John bleeping Cryer????

This guy's best work was as ducky, in Pretty in Pink. He wasn't bad as a 27 year old guy hiding out from hit men in a high school while waiting for the mob trial to start, except he was pawing some 16 year old chick, so it was epically creepy in some respects. Thus,k I was pretty stunned when he took the Emmy for best supporting actor in a comedy.

it isn't so much that I dislike John Cryer, he's harmless enough, but that this sort of show is why network television is dying an unceremonial, slow and extremely painful death. I have only seen this show about 4 or 5 times over the years, and none on purpose, but I can honestly say that I do not recall one moment, one instant or original comedy.

John Cryer plays the lame-o foil for Charlie Sheen, who of course, plays himself. They find new ways for Charlie to same the same fucking thing week after week after week about doggin girls and generally acting like a twit as he refuses to become an adult.

Super painful.

I am almost strike "almost" to be considered part of the American viewing audience. When shows like Arrested Development get canceled and shite like 2 1/2 Men win awards, it might be time to sell the LCD flat screen and spend more time reading.

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